Melan~choly

¬|and here I was “studying” it, 4 years before it happened for me to be “sitting in exams” for it…|¬

 

…..

 

So, I’m sitting here.
Cruising in my head.
Watching the ideal cruisers do their thing.
Listening to music.
Hearing the ideal musicians do their thing.

I’m sad.
Not sad exactly.

I’m melancholic.

Like I am a chocoholic.
I am a melancholic.
From the Greek, «melas» = to mean «black» and «choli» = to mean «bile», «gall» …  «to have black gall» , «to suffer from jaundice» …

Cannot recall coming across this word in English before …

«Jaundice» : i) a condition caused by obstruction of the bile or by infective hepatitis and other diseases, and marked by yellowness of the skin, fluids, and tissues and occasionally by disordered vision; ii) disordered mental vision; resentment, jealousy. From Old French «jaune» , to mean «yellow».

To have black bile, means you end-up with yellow skin.
Black and yellow.
Black and yellow.
To denote poison.
To denote «DANGER» …!
Like the back-end of a wasp or a bee!

It can become black, – or is it black?
No, it’s yellow/green.
I’ve seen it.
During my childhood I remember, one day being so frequently sick, there was nothing left in my stomach. The puke was this yellow/green stuff. I recall its bitterness … The doctor said it was bile.

Apparently bile can become black.
Bitter as it is with its yellowish colour, does it become black?
Or, is black the colour of some bile?
Does bile become black the more bitter it gets?
The more bitter one gets, the more black the bile gets?

The bile.

Searched to find what on Earth the bile is, and could not figure it out.
Besides being bitter, and being produced by the liver, and having some kind of a substance which aids in the digestion of fats in the stomach, there’s not much about it.

How else could «melancholic» be fathomed then?
Is that it?
Is that the reason why to be «melancholic» is to have «black bile»?
Is that why to have «black bile» is to be «melancholic»?

You are in fact so bitter inside you that, the most bitter substance inside you cannot countermeasure its own purpose.

You are so bitter yourself that, your «bitter bile» is unable to counteract the fat, as it is supposed to do.

You are so bitter.

You are so melancholic.

You are so fat.

To read this to myself, aloud as I usually do -it’s funny but, I like my reading voice- the page, the screen staring back at me, the voice that echoes in my ears, is talking to me …

To me.
The «you are» is, «I am».

Can it get more «bitter» than this?

Is it part of being «yellow» (a coward) and «black» (a shadow)?
Is it part of having «disordered vision»…
«disordered mental vision»…
«resentment»…
«jealousy»?
I am melancholic.

I am all of the above …

 

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(“Κώνος” του 2003 ~ “Cone” of 2003)

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